Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
