The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
