my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
