She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
