My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You're earring is so big in my mouth
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
