I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
did you just send me my own nude
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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