As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
