I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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