I'm so fucking centered right now
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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