Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
