My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I woke up under a house in Key West
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