I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
