A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
