I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Say something about gay babies.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
