I will die if light touches me.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My ass is underappreciated
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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