Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
