I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
