My first STD was from a foam party
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
a search helicopter?!
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
