Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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