Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Boobs speak an international language.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
