There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
