I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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