the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
