Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
