Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
