After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
