this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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