Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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