GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Randomize
