can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
