the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
