dude i'm inner monologue high
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
