i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
