Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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