dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
