mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
