I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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