How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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