I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
