As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
