omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
