90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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