dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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