What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She needs sedatives and a leash
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
