I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
