he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My dick has a subreddit
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
