U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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