sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
