i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
