Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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