I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
